Shaking Your Meat...

So I thought I was gonna be a trooper today and pull a double shift, but after the blissful torment of this past weekend's activities I pussied out and left for home after an hour in the survey joint. My boss said that I basically shouldn't over exert myself and that I can come back full time once the bank contract is finished. So that gives me more time for some long lost activity called "sleep," but I doubt it shall grace me with its presence anyway...apparently I have a busy social life!

Sometimes too busy, but hell I'm not really complaining....not when the company is most entertaining. The work week wasn't too enthralling; well I did enjoy sending my co-workers dirty emails (Stacey) knowing they have to bite their tongue for not busting from laughter.  Out of abject boredom and near delirium, the girls and I have decided we should come up with some sort of comedy show showcasing the kooky antics of temp workers....because y'all know we are the runts of the workforce.  Exciting trips to Pharmaprix, drooling over keyboards, and being buried under boxes of 90,000 faxes....all the while handling highly sensitive financial information!!!! I think it'll be a hit, we're still thinking of a name though so if you have any suggestions, do let me know. 

Friday after work I meet up with Soula and opened her taste buds to new types of sushi fantastic delight, and, of course, I made a follower of her. Afterwards we head over to Unity...again...to party it up for Billy's birthday. The usual bumping and grinding ensued and the music that night was particularly awesome and let's just say poor Soula couldn't keep up with me.  Out of the blue I bump into Pierre unexpectedly that night. Of course he picked me up(which is no small feat...) and humped me in the air. I know it sounds impossible, but he did it.  So he chilled with us for a bit then he went off to do his thing, always a blast with him around :)  I really did miss Billy though and I was so happy to finally see him again after so long, as well as a bunch of other friends from my old jobs and parties. Sweating and shivering I hailed a cab with Soula and made our way home afterwards. I thought the cabbie was taking us home the extra long way but surprisingly it became the cheapest fare I had so far, so I was pleasantly surprised.  

The rest of the weekend consisted of testing one's limits and discovering just how much pain tolerance one has.  But, pain is relative of course, and I found myself shivering in many different ways; the initial sensation, the deepening of pain, clenching of teeth, sweetness of release, and the throbbing burn that leaves you shuddering and giggling for more....and that was just foreplay!  Needless to say I walked(or hobbled) into work today looking as if I just came back from a three day nonstop horseback ride.  I never thought I would be pleased about seeing bruises...who knew!?

So now I am home and enjoying Suede. I found them hidden in my iTunes and went on a download spree. I've been playing Beautiful Ones on repeat for over an hour now. It brings a smile to my face; I think of my sisters and my friends...

Enjoy

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits

Drag acts, drug acts, suicides, in your dad's suits you hide

staining his name again, 

Cracked up, stacked up, 22, psycho for sex and glue

lost is to Bostik, yeah

Shaved heads, rave heads, on the pill, got too much time to kill

get into bands and gangs

Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones

Loved up, Doved up, hung around, stoned in a lonely town

shaking their meat to the beat, 

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits, 

Oh here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones.

You don't think about it, 

You don't do without it, 

And if you baby's going crazy, that's how you made me, 

La, la, la, la...

Popping the Irish Cherry

As promised I must give you a thorough update of the week's festivities. Full of tedium, bruises, beer, and sushi fantastic delight. 

Firstly, the work week was okay. Honestly if it wasn't for the twacked out ladies I work with I'd probably hang myself...or staple myself continuously...or cover myself with Post-Its...whichever comes first. I mean the job is simple enough, it's just VERY repetitive and time consuming. Especially when you're in charge of verifying other people's work, you can't exactly slack off...or some poor schmuck in Kamloops won't get his disability tax break. 

But we're still bitches so we find joy in making fun of client's names. Unfortunately I cannot post a few of my favorites but let me tell you, their parents must really hate them....

My mornings would consist of me waking up from my alarm, falling back asleep, then get violently woken up by my mother barging in my room yelling about my lateness. "Getting ready" involves falling out of the bed from shock, dodging my mother's flying slippers as I scamper to the bathroom, brush the fur off my teeth and scrubbing my face raw, slap on something "clean", and be out the door within 15 minutes. 

I'd catch a glimpse of myself through the metro window reflection and I actually become startled by my hideousness, especially as I'm sitting amongst the business chic.  Usually around 2 PM I start to realize my surroundings and that's when I stop grunting answers. 

Friday I got my overnight bag ready, which was really a snazzy looking beach bag, and prepared myself for the weekend plans. I was to spend the next few days roaming from house to house like a nomad, partying in the wee hours of the night, and continuing the boozing for St. Patrick's Day. 

Friday night and Saturday was most enjoyable; the quickest way to a girl's heart (or mine anyway) is sushi, comedy, and comfy sheets....and some others things as well that only a few select individuals know of. I still grin at the memories...

After having to rip myself away from that I met up with some University friends in the Village and we partied at Unity. Jamming it up with my girls and watching scantily clad ripped boys dance on stages all around you is always something to look forward to. However my friends had to leave early, so at 1:30 in the morning I found myself walking towards Sky to meet with Pierre. We were both going to crash at Ryan's that night and I was contemplating whether I should go inside for what little was left of the night. But the entertainment outside proved quite worth the wait. Bum fights, dyke fights, and random women falling over me made me fall in love with the Village more and more.  So Pierre left the club and men wanting more of him and he and I walked to Ryan's place....in the tear inducing weather.  It was so windy and icky I developed a slight cold, that is only now leaving. 

Now if y'all don't remember Ryan is the proud owner of two ferrets....these ferrets are cute and and nice but Pierre and I lose our patience every now and then. That night I was lucky enough to have the bedroom all to myself and the ferrets just annoyed only Pierre for the evening....ah,  restful bliss.

Restful my ass, I think I got maybe 6 hours of "sleep" during those two crazy nights, but it was well worth it. Sunday morning I had me some crepes with Ryan and I headed over to the parade. It was my first time seeing the parade and I was pretty excited. Plus I was going to hang out with some very awesome people.  

So I manage to find my friend Liya amongst the crowds after getting through the mosh-like pit of Mackay and St. Catherine. It was mad chaos. I never seen so many angry mothers yelling and screaming at people who even DARED stand in front of their children for more than 15 seconds and block their view. One particular old hag was spewing out obscenities so foul I stood in shock. Not because of what she was saying, but that she was saying them in front of about ten very young children.  What annoyed me the most was that a photographer from the Gazette, who took pics of me and a few other people(no I didn't make the cover), proceeded to this bag of bitchiness and started to chat her up. This is only because she was covered head to toe with Irish flair of some sort...and my did she have the sweetest disposition once she realized who she was talking too. At that point she was all honey drops and sugarplums....I felt like puking. 

So at around 1 I head over to what was formerly known as Cheers with Liya and get our drink on. Well continue the drinking, I was actually already drinking thanks to back pack beers.  After managing our way through the line up and coat check we plop our asses down at the bar in the back and started our own little party. I get a call from my friend and he wasn't able to get into the bar....apparently the cops wouldn't allow it. So I got pissed and I head outside to see what the problem was. I step outside without my coat (but I did have my trusty beach bag) and find a mini riot going on right before my eyes. The cops were dragging and beating random drunkards and not letting anyone back in the bar. I find my friend and he's in front of the cop barricade and I was making my way towards him when I was somewhat roughly manhandled by an officer as I tried explaining to him that I'm just getting a friend and I'll be back at the bar,  but to no avail I was pushed aside. So we chilled at a rotten parking lot for a bit and waited it out. We made our way back and the ruffians dispersed thankfully. I smooth talked our way back into the bar and I was happily greeted by Liya drunk off her ass and a fresh beer waiting for me. 

Discreet fondlings and a couple beers and shots later I was quite the happy camper. I left for home in a daze, lost my sunglasses, and greeted my mother with a crooked grin....I think she was proud.

And there you have it, a detailed account of my recent activities. But don't worry, you won't have to wait so long anymore. This weekend is going to be a whole other ball game ;)

Drool Spots on your Pillow

Yea it's been a while since my last update....sue me.

As you can tell I am now doing a day shift at the bank, and not liking it too kindly. I swear I'm such a whiny bitch sometimes; I complain about lack of work and when I do work I complain about the hours...whatevs.

I REALLY don't feel like coming in today but alas I must. I wish I could update my blog at work but things are super regulated and I'm not even allowed to go on certain sites...

Oh, another reason why I didn't update for a while is because I had an interview last week at some customer service joint and they asked me if I had any blogs....and I told them about this one.

So yea I didn't want to comment about the place until I figured out if I got the job or not, but at this point I couldn't give a rat's ass. I told them it's a personal blog and if they have any objections they can kiss it. 

I'm pleasant in the morning, no? Alrighty....I have to get my crusty ass up and handle highly confidential information that can make or break someone's financial record. Yays!

I'll update tonight....promise. If not, hunt me down with torches and pitchforks....

Harvesting the Crust from Your Eyes

In the morning (or afternoon in my case usually) do you ever feel scared to look at yourself in the mirror after a night of heavy drinking? You can FEEL the crust and layer of make up forming colonies on your skin because you were too lazy (or just not coordinate enough) to scrape it off your face the night before. Your tongue is dry and feels like sandpaper and you're afraid to run that tongue over your teeth because you might just taste something that can induce you to vomit. 

But damn was the party worth it.

It was my friend's "30th" Birthday Bash and it was held at her awesome apartment, where we drank disgusting amounts of wine and pink champagne. Retro and 80's music was blasting from the sound system and everyone was sharing drunken birthday experiences and how much Reader's Digest has screwed us all over one way or another.  Wine was spilled(of course by me) and luckily the majority of it landed on me so at least I won't be blamed for ruining some one's dress....just my own jeans. But apparently it's good luck, I seem to be lacking that as of late.

It was a much needed night out after the week I had.  Home life issues have taken a much quicker turn for the worse and let's just say that I shall be out of the house by summer time, maybe earlier.  I'm looking forward to it, I'm just not pleased by the circumstances...but that shall be explained on another blog. Someone is going to be bitten hard by Karma and it won't be me.  

I just noticed I have another wine stain...on my arm. Good grief I need a shower.  

Ya know, I'm pretty lucky to have the support from my friends.  And if it weren't for them to help calm me down and see the picture in black and white I'd be a whimpering mess and most likely on my way to another city.  So no amount of threats or asshole behavior can ruin my goals.  

Alright, time for me to get my ass out of bed and see the light of day....I'll try not to wobble too much...

Windex and Wasabi

I do apologize for such a long delay...it seems last week wasn't quite eventful for most of it so I didn't really have much to report.

Work was mind numbing as usual; on one particular day I was hit on for the first half and then bitched out the other half.  From men breathing fiercely in my ear telling me how much they like my voice, to assholes asking for my name and boss's name so that I can be "reported." Like I give a flying fuck.  

Mid week I did find out some controversial news about a few friends of mine, though. At times it made me sick and angry, but I've grown to settle with the fact that in the end I am not a pillar of morality and that it is best to not be a shit disturber.  Sometimes you are put into tricky situations and loyalties and responsibilities are tested.  But once you take a step back and try to clear your head, there is only so much you can do and just hope the truth comes out as it should, and not backhandedly. 

And now for the weekend update kids: cleaning frenzies and maki mishaps.  I gave up sleeping Saturday morning and decided to clean the house at 7 AM.  We were expecting guests so I had to make the house look somewhat presentable. Afterwards we all have lunch and by making a stupid mistake of eating yogurt I completely ruined the rest of my night.  

Eating sushi that night was a challenge; chop sticks were flying and a family of surf clam experienced one casualty...he will be missed. Maybe it was the fact that I hardly slept, or the combination of food that I ate(fuck it,  both) but towards the end of the night I was a sad sack of delirium with the bladder of a 3 year old. So I don't think I attained the level of attraction that I wanted to that evening...as I was trying ever so hard to calm down my shakes and twitches.  Ah well....better luck next time. 

Sunday I visited Pierre with food and drink, for we had a mighty task at hand: we cleaned the apartment. Now I love his mother, but dang the woman has a bit of a spending problem. She'll buy and buy and buy without realizing that she already has 15 versions of the same thing at home, unopened.  It was quite the task to get that apartment in order, we killed some critters and swiffered the place until it shined.  I just hope it lasts...

Afterwards I visit Petro and Soula and we finally are up to date with Dr.Who.  This suspense is killing us!!!  Who's the new Doctor?! I can't wait a couple months for this....it'll just be too torturous.  

So today I'm playing hooky with work. I realized that they already owe me hours and considering how little they are paying me it won't make much of a difference. I shall take the opportunity today so do some more research and get some work done....after I take a couple naps of course hehehe.  

FOOOOOOD!!!!!! GLORIOUS FOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

....DON'T CARE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!!

Previously that philosophy(and catchy show tune) has been my mantra, but as evidence of this weekend has shown, not so much anymore.

I made the faithful mistake of dining on a cheese stick, well not one, but 4 I think.....and some chicken wings. Well fuck I figured my "new lifestyle" wasn't going to happen until next week so I might as well go out with a bang eh? Ah, if only.  

You see for a few days prior to my Saturday sports bar dining, I actually was eating properly and avoided all such evil foods. I just never thought my body would react so quickly to something it was so used to in the past. And so in the midst of drinking beer and playing pool(I won) my stomach started to percolate something fierce and I had to high tale it home or else Montezuma's Revenge was going to make a spectacle out of me in front of the charming society of Chomedey's finest.  

So that was the highlight of Saturday. Sunday was a lazy day, I just got back from watching the end of season 4 of Dr. Who with Petro and Soula. I made them dinner and we sat riveted as new revelations unfolded.  I proposed that we plan a sick marathon of the 30 season of the old Dr. Who next winter. I think we just might do it :D

Ah yes, Friday. Friday was productive as I was able to lay out plans of the website to a good friend of mine. Time scales and technicalities were established so at least I know I won't be going through with this blindly.  It was an excruciatingly long day at work, and since it was the end of the month we had all the crap campaigns. One in particular made no sense: I had to call people who were telemarketed by representatives of Bell and asked them how THAT call went. Yes. Think about that. Two questions of the same mindless 1-10 answering scale to ask them how their call from a telemarketer was.  People were rightfully pissed and wanted to talk to my managers...I really didn't care much about it anyway but it just goes to show you what lengths big conglomerations would go to just to annoy the crap out of their customers. 

Ugh I need another job...