Arthritis and Lubricant

Let's see, how can I effectively explain to you the roller coaster life I've had these past two weeks? 

Slowly...with much hunting and pecking. 

.....

Sorry about that,  Kitchen Nightmares had me in a trance.

So! These past two weeks centered around the build up and recovery process of my birthday. As Petro so lovingly tells me, I have entered a new demographic. Older, yes. Wiser? We'll see what the critics say after they read my memoirs...

Work has been tough as of late. Apparently I seem to have an invisible sign on my face reading "bred for manual labor."  They WORKED me to the bone. Lifting boxes, climbing stairs all day all the while serving customers with a sweaty glint to my smile. 

It was particularly busy as we were preparing for the restaurant's opening night. A swanky night filled with wine, canapes, and a guest list with more artificial body parts it made my humble jubblies look like diamonds in the rough. Needless to say the party was a hit and I bumped shoulders with investors, the owners, and many of influential people that could potentially help with my future endeavors. We shall see...

.....

Sorry I just finished watching House (shut up I hardly know what TV is anymore...)

And now for our entertainment news. I saw Wolverine and it satisfied my Hugh cravings but the cheese factor was a little too much for my lactose intolerant stomach. The rest of the weekend was spent drinking and watching Opeth live. Saturday began with an innocent pint of Moosehead, however, 14 shots and another two pints later I was bowled over getting a nice visual of my Coconut Curried Shrimp reincarnated on the terrace of McKibbin's.  Amazingly I was still able to communicate during this heaving ordeal. Albeit archaic and basic but hand gestures still constitute a form of conversation...damn it. 

Opeth was excellent of course, unfortunately Liya and I had to leave early as I was still suffering from the previous night's debauchery as well as the nauseating fact that it was fucking stifling in that venue.  All was well though and we made it home in one piece. 

What tied all these events together and made them even more enjoyable was the wonderful company I had. Nothing soothes an unsettled stomach than friends cheering you on and telling me that I'll be okay. Of course they say these things as they take pictures of me in compromising positions. God I love em...

I did enjoy my "prepping" of the events though. I looked more scratched up than Amistad by Saturday afternoon and in my haze of early Sunday morning I managed to still remain desirable after a heavy session of brushing my teeth. I'm still grinning...

Today was a slow day at work, nothing too thrilling. My boss has been coming in later in the day so that can either mean she trusts us more or she's just being a lazy ass. Whatever, I stopped giving a crap a long time ago. 

It's taken me almost 4 hours to type this post....goddamn TV and your wonderous ways....

O.o

I rediscovered my love of Max Cannon comics this evening and I feel like spreading the love to all my faithful followers. The great thing about the Red Meat comic strip is not only the dry twisted humor, but the titles of the comics. "Inappropriate feelings towards skin peelings," Lukewarm juices with no excuses," and "Vapo-rub in your margarine tube" are just a few great examples that can most excellently tickle your fancy.

www.redmeat.com Enjoy ;)

And now for your weekly update: I'm getting better at this I promise!  

The work week was fine and dandy, I actually have no problems with the restaurant and even though the clients are snobby, my superior telemarketing experience has molded me effectively enough to really not give a shit. There was a small teeny problem that really made me want to shoot myself, or others. As with most service related jobs usually the footwear must be all black and not sneakers. So I THOUGHT I bought a fairly decent pair of shoes but turns out they made my feet so crippled and sore I was hobbling and wincing in pain almost every night. What makes it worse is that I'm flat footed and I wasn't able to fit in my soles in the shoes so being quick and agile didn't really happen. Tomorrow I'm making it a mission to get something better or else I might cause some permanent damage. 

As I said to y'all earlier, our clientele are rich and snobby.  There is the actual full service restaurant downstairs and upstairs(where I work) is more take out and like a cafe as well as selling specialized imported products that are grossly over priced.  Some people feel the need to come to us, the counter girls, to complain about labels being in French or meals tasting too heavy. Does it truly look like I give a fuck about whether you liked the food or not? For some reason these customers would rather complain to counter girls instead of managers and chefs about their problems. But whatever, I'm so used to people complaining to me about something that I have absolutely no control over it doesn't even bother me anymore. 

Since I have so many friends who have worked in restaurants or any other type of job in the service industry, I have always vowed to myself that I'd never work in that industry for as long as I can. Surprisingly I'm liking it and this is only because I get to move around a lot, I get to meet new people all the time, and even if I have retarded customers all day it's definitely something to laugh about.  And because I'm such a foodie and excellent seller, my boss is putting me on the floor to greet customers and sell them the products. Apparently everything I tell a customer about they buy so that's always a good thing. 

One annoying thing I've realized is tips. Now I'm not expecting crazy tips from people but usually when I go out and I get a meal I like to tip at least the tax amount of my bill. Some customers would spend over $60 on a full service meal UPSTAIRS and not even bother tipping. Or they would make sure they have the EXACT amount of the bill just so that they don't have to tip. It's very odd....and even a tad neurotic. Whatever, if this place is going to be like it's first location then the tips will get way better in time...

I've been kinda out of the loop lately in terms of keeping up with my daily gossip and current events. I barely even have time to update my Facebook status...banish the thought! I hardly even have time for TV anymore. As usual mother has taken over the television and out of the whole day I got to see one episode of Kind of the Hill. Yes....pathetic. But amazingly just now as mother was flipping through the channels I made her stop at Blue Brothers, and we caught it right at the beginning!!! :D

The weekend was fabulous as usual, more painful than previous weekends but that was only because I worked all weekend.  Poor boy found it difficult to contain himself....hehehehehehe *snort*

Alright...James Brown is preaching at the Triple Rock...I'll catch you kids on the flipside ;)

Bananas and Espressos...

So I'm sitting down now with the full intention of updating my blog but for some strange reason this Arabic movie is making me procrastinate, and only after 30 mins have I decided to type. This is what happens when my mother is home....the soap operas and dramas come back full force!

So these past two weeks have been fun filled indeed.  Mostly on the weekends though, during the week it's just one agonizing day of repetition after another. But something has changed: I no longer am working at the bank now. I am now a counter girl/ waitress/ espresso wench serving a rich clientele at a snazzy new restaurant downtown.  

Actually it's pretty cool and the girls I work with are very down to earth.  So it's a nice change from the unrecognized labor of contract work at the bank. Of course they let me go without any previous notice and told me that I was such a hard worker and was a great part of their team. Same song and dance as usual. Although they paid me fairly decently I don't know if I want to do another contract with them. I'm quite sick and tired of being taken advantage of and having no job security. Yea the restaurant pays less, but at least I know they'll need me and I won't get screwed over because I'm one of the very few full timers that they have.  And it's better than sitting on my ass listening to people bitch at me over the phone. 

It's only April and it's my fourth job...My schedule is crap and I'll most likely be working on my birthday but whatever, I need the cash.

Now let's see, last weekends activities were quite diverse: I watched an Iron Maiden tribute concert on Saturday and on Sunday I went to my godson's 2nd birthday...sober too.  So it was a weekend filled with spandex, wigs, drunken middle aged men, screaming babies, and cupcakes. Oh and I got to see a big ass Walmart in Vaudreuil, apparently it's the largest one in Quebec so needless to say I was kinda scared most of the time but I think I hid it well...only a few minor twitches.  

Oh there was a strange man at Foufs who looked like a cross between Cory Hart and Sammy Davis Jr (but white and angry) who decided to make our table his own and leave his empty glass at our area. So obviously I put it back at his, he huffs up as if someone just twisted his panties and called me a bitch and other obscenities only because I did not appreciate him throwing his weight around. Whatever, it was a completely hilarious situation because he looked so out of place at the bar. Looks like I hurt his feelings...awww...

This weekend was spent watching British comedy, drunken hooligans getting arrested on the streets, and old men trying to pick up on young ugly women. Yes...I went to Thursdays. Granted we were on the terrace most of the time so we were out of the line of fire from roving nasty male eyes.  But we did have the temptation of going to the "disco" downstairs just for kicks but we were too lazy to go through coat check. Ah well...

Of course each weekend had a delightful backdrop of delicious torment and recovery that seems to test our limits as the weeks roll by. A constant reminder of what happened and what will happen. I ain't complainin' ;)

Since it's been two weeks since my last entry, I am missing quite a few cute little details that would've made this entry much more riveting. But I guess this will have to do for now. And hey, I'm working at a restaurant now catering to the wealthy so I'm definitely bound to get some gold material hehehehe

Shaking Your Meat...

So I thought I was gonna be a trooper today and pull a double shift, but after the blissful torment of this past weekend's activities I pussied out and left for home after an hour in the survey joint. My boss said that I basically shouldn't over exert myself and that I can come back full time once the bank contract is finished. So that gives me more time for some long lost activity called "sleep," but I doubt it shall grace me with its presence anyway...apparently I have a busy social life!

Sometimes too busy, but hell I'm not really complaining....not when the company is most entertaining. The work week wasn't too enthralling; well I did enjoy sending my co-workers dirty emails (Stacey) knowing they have to bite their tongue for not busting from laughter.  Out of abject boredom and near delirium, the girls and I have decided we should come up with some sort of comedy show showcasing the kooky antics of temp workers....because y'all know we are the runts of the workforce.  Exciting trips to Pharmaprix, drooling over keyboards, and being buried under boxes of 90,000 faxes....all the while handling highly sensitive financial information!!!! I think it'll be a hit, we're still thinking of a name though so if you have any suggestions, do let me know. 

Friday after work I meet up with Soula and opened her taste buds to new types of sushi fantastic delight, and, of course, I made a follower of her. Afterwards we head over to Unity...again...to party it up for Billy's birthday. The usual bumping and grinding ensued and the music that night was particularly awesome and let's just say poor Soula couldn't keep up with me.  Out of the blue I bump into Pierre unexpectedly that night. Of course he picked me up(which is no small feat...) and humped me in the air. I know it sounds impossible, but he did it.  So he chilled with us for a bit then he went off to do his thing, always a blast with him around :)  I really did miss Billy though and I was so happy to finally see him again after so long, as well as a bunch of other friends from my old jobs and parties. Sweating and shivering I hailed a cab with Soula and made our way home afterwards. I thought the cabbie was taking us home the extra long way but surprisingly it became the cheapest fare I had so far, so I was pleasantly surprised.  

The rest of the weekend consisted of testing one's limits and discovering just how much pain tolerance one has.  But, pain is relative of course, and I found myself shivering in many different ways; the initial sensation, the deepening of pain, clenching of teeth, sweetness of release, and the throbbing burn that leaves you shuddering and giggling for more....and that was just foreplay!  Needless to say I walked(or hobbled) into work today looking as if I just came back from a three day nonstop horseback ride.  I never thought I would be pleased about seeing bruises...who knew!?

So now I am home and enjoying Suede. I found them hidden in my iTunes and went on a download spree. I've been playing Beautiful Ones on repeat for over an hour now. It brings a smile to my face; I think of my sisters and my friends...

Enjoy

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits

Drag acts, drug acts, suicides, in your dad's suits you hide

staining his name again, 

Cracked up, stacked up, 22, psycho for sex and glue

lost is to Bostik, yeah

Shaved heads, rave heads, on the pill, got too much time to kill

get into bands and gangs

Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones

Loved up, Doved up, hung around, stoned in a lonely town

shaking their meat to the beat, 

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits, 

Oh here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones.

You don't think about it, 

You don't do without it, 

And if you baby's going crazy, that's how you made me, 

La, la, la, la...

Popping the Irish Cherry

As promised I must give you a thorough update of the week's festivities. Full of tedium, bruises, beer, and sushi fantastic delight. 

Firstly, the work week was okay. Honestly if it wasn't for the twacked out ladies I work with I'd probably hang myself...or staple myself continuously...or cover myself with Post-Its...whichever comes first. I mean the job is simple enough, it's just VERY repetitive and time consuming. Especially when you're in charge of verifying other people's work, you can't exactly slack off...or some poor schmuck in Kamloops won't get his disability tax break. 

But we're still bitches so we find joy in making fun of client's names. Unfortunately I cannot post a few of my favorites but let me tell you, their parents must really hate them....

My mornings would consist of me waking up from my alarm, falling back asleep, then get violently woken up by my mother barging in my room yelling about my lateness. "Getting ready" involves falling out of the bed from shock, dodging my mother's flying slippers as I scamper to the bathroom, brush the fur off my teeth and scrubbing my face raw, slap on something "clean", and be out the door within 15 minutes. 

I'd catch a glimpse of myself through the metro window reflection and I actually become startled by my hideousness, especially as I'm sitting amongst the business chic.  Usually around 2 PM I start to realize my surroundings and that's when I stop grunting answers. 

Friday I got my overnight bag ready, which was really a snazzy looking beach bag, and prepared myself for the weekend plans. I was to spend the next few days roaming from house to house like a nomad, partying in the wee hours of the night, and continuing the boozing for St. Patrick's Day. 

Friday night and Saturday was most enjoyable; the quickest way to a girl's heart (or mine anyway) is sushi, comedy, and comfy sheets....and some others things as well that only a few select individuals know of. I still grin at the memories...

After having to rip myself away from that I met up with some University friends in the Village and we partied at Unity. Jamming it up with my girls and watching scantily clad ripped boys dance on stages all around you is always something to look forward to. However my friends had to leave early, so at 1:30 in the morning I found myself walking towards Sky to meet with Pierre. We were both going to crash at Ryan's that night and I was contemplating whether I should go inside for what little was left of the night. But the entertainment outside proved quite worth the wait. Bum fights, dyke fights, and random women falling over me made me fall in love with the Village more and more.  So Pierre left the club and men wanting more of him and he and I walked to Ryan's place....in the tear inducing weather.  It was so windy and icky I developed a slight cold, that is only now leaving. 

Now if y'all don't remember Ryan is the proud owner of two ferrets....these ferrets are cute and and nice but Pierre and I lose our patience every now and then. That night I was lucky enough to have the bedroom all to myself and the ferrets just annoyed only Pierre for the evening....ah,  restful bliss.

Restful my ass, I think I got maybe 6 hours of "sleep" during those two crazy nights, but it was well worth it. Sunday morning I had me some crepes with Ryan and I headed over to the parade. It was my first time seeing the parade and I was pretty excited. Plus I was going to hang out with some very awesome people.  

So I manage to find my friend Liya amongst the crowds after getting through the mosh-like pit of Mackay and St. Catherine. It was mad chaos. I never seen so many angry mothers yelling and screaming at people who even DARED stand in front of their children for more than 15 seconds and block their view. One particular old hag was spewing out obscenities so foul I stood in shock. Not because of what she was saying, but that she was saying them in front of about ten very young children.  What annoyed me the most was that a photographer from the Gazette, who took pics of me and a few other people(no I didn't make the cover), proceeded to this bag of bitchiness and started to chat her up. This is only because she was covered head to toe with Irish flair of some sort...and my did she have the sweetest disposition once she realized who she was talking too. At that point she was all honey drops and sugarplums....I felt like puking. 

So at around 1 I head over to what was formerly known as Cheers with Liya and get our drink on. Well continue the drinking, I was actually already drinking thanks to back pack beers.  After managing our way through the line up and coat check we plop our asses down at the bar in the back and started our own little party. I get a call from my friend and he wasn't able to get into the bar....apparently the cops wouldn't allow it. So I got pissed and I head outside to see what the problem was. I step outside without my coat (but I did have my trusty beach bag) and find a mini riot going on right before my eyes. The cops were dragging and beating random drunkards and not letting anyone back in the bar. I find my friend and he's in front of the cop barricade and I was making my way towards him when I was somewhat roughly manhandled by an officer as I tried explaining to him that I'm just getting a friend and I'll be back at the bar,  but to no avail I was pushed aside. So we chilled at a rotten parking lot for a bit and waited it out. We made our way back and the ruffians dispersed thankfully. I smooth talked our way back into the bar and I was happily greeted by Liya drunk off her ass and a fresh beer waiting for me. 

Discreet fondlings and a couple beers and shots later I was quite the happy camper. I left for home in a daze, lost my sunglasses, and greeted my mother with a crooked grin....I think she was proud.

And there you have it, a detailed account of my recent activities. But don't worry, you won't have to wait so long anymore. This weekend is going to be a whole other ball game ;)

Drool Spots on your Pillow

Yea it's been a while since my last update....sue me.

As you can tell I am now doing a day shift at the bank, and not liking it too kindly. I swear I'm such a whiny bitch sometimes; I complain about lack of work and when I do work I complain about the hours...whatevs.

I REALLY don't feel like coming in today but alas I must. I wish I could update my blog at work but things are super regulated and I'm not even allowed to go on certain sites...

Oh, another reason why I didn't update for a while is because I had an interview last week at some customer service joint and they asked me if I had any blogs....and I told them about this one.

So yea I didn't want to comment about the place until I figured out if I got the job or not, but at this point I couldn't give a rat's ass. I told them it's a personal blog and if they have any objections they can kiss it. 

I'm pleasant in the morning, no? Alrighty....I have to get my crusty ass up and handle highly confidential information that can make or break someone's financial record. Yays!

I'll update tonight....promise. If not, hunt me down with torches and pitchforks....

Harvesting the Crust from Your Eyes

In the morning (or afternoon in my case usually) do you ever feel scared to look at yourself in the mirror after a night of heavy drinking? You can FEEL the crust and layer of make up forming colonies on your skin because you were too lazy (or just not coordinate enough) to scrape it off your face the night before. Your tongue is dry and feels like sandpaper and you're afraid to run that tongue over your teeth because you might just taste something that can induce you to vomit. 

But damn was the party worth it.

It was my friend's "30th" Birthday Bash and it was held at her awesome apartment, where we drank disgusting amounts of wine and pink champagne. Retro and 80's music was blasting from the sound system and everyone was sharing drunken birthday experiences and how much Reader's Digest has screwed us all over one way or another.  Wine was spilled(of course by me) and luckily the majority of it landed on me so at least I won't be blamed for ruining some one's dress....just my own jeans. But apparently it's good luck, I seem to be lacking that as of late.

It was a much needed night out after the week I had.  Home life issues have taken a much quicker turn for the worse and let's just say that I shall be out of the house by summer time, maybe earlier.  I'm looking forward to it, I'm just not pleased by the circumstances...but that shall be explained on another blog. Someone is going to be bitten hard by Karma and it won't be me.  

I just noticed I have another wine stain...on my arm. Good grief I need a shower.  

Ya know, I'm pretty lucky to have the support from my friends.  And if it weren't for them to help calm me down and see the picture in black and white I'd be a whimpering mess and most likely on my way to another city.  So no amount of threats or asshole behavior can ruin my goals.  

Alright, time for me to get my ass out of bed and see the light of day....I'll try not to wobble too much...