Arthritis and Lubricant

Let's see, how can I effectively explain to you the roller coaster life I've had these past two weeks? 

Slowly...with much hunting and pecking. 

.....

Sorry about that,  Kitchen Nightmares had me in a trance.

So! These past two weeks centered around the build up and recovery process of my birthday. As Petro so lovingly tells me, I have entered a new demographic. Older, yes. Wiser? We'll see what the critics say after they read my memoirs...

Work has been tough as of late. Apparently I seem to have an invisible sign on my face reading "bred for manual labor."  They WORKED me to the bone. Lifting boxes, climbing stairs all day all the while serving customers with a sweaty glint to my smile. 

It was particularly busy as we were preparing for the restaurant's opening night. A swanky night filled with wine, canapes, and a guest list with more artificial body parts it made my humble jubblies look like diamonds in the rough. Needless to say the party was a hit and I bumped shoulders with investors, the owners, and many of influential people that could potentially help with my future endeavors. We shall see...

.....

Sorry I just finished watching House (shut up I hardly know what TV is anymore...)

And now for our entertainment news. I saw Wolverine and it satisfied my Hugh cravings but the cheese factor was a little too much for my lactose intolerant stomach. The rest of the weekend was spent drinking and watching Opeth live. Saturday began with an innocent pint of Moosehead, however, 14 shots and another two pints later I was bowled over getting a nice visual of my Coconut Curried Shrimp reincarnated on the terrace of McKibbin's.  Amazingly I was still able to communicate during this heaving ordeal. Albeit archaic and basic but hand gestures still constitute a form of conversation...damn it. 

Opeth was excellent of course, unfortunately Liya and I had to leave early as I was still suffering from the previous night's debauchery as well as the nauseating fact that it was fucking stifling in that venue.  All was well though and we made it home in one piece. 

What tied all these events together and made them even more enjoyable was the wonderful company I had. Nothing soothes an unsettled stomach than friends cheering you on and telling me that I'll be okay. Of course they say these things as they take pictures of me in compromising positions. God I love em...

I did enjoy my "prepping" of the events though. I looked more scratched up than Amistad by Saturday afternoon and in my haze of early Sunday morning I managed to still remain desirable after a heavy session of brushing my teeth. I'm still grinning...

Today was a slow day at work, nothing too thrilling. My boss has been coming in later in the day so that can either mean she trusts us more or she's just being a lazy ass. Whatever, I stopped giving a crap a long time ago. 

It's taken me almost 4 hours to type this post....goddamn TV and your wonderous ways....

O.o

I rediscovered my love of Max Cannon comics this evening and I feel like spreading the love to all my faithful followers. The great thing about the Red Meat comic strip is not only the dry twisted humor, but the titles of the comics. "Inappropriate feelings towards skin peelings," Lukewarm juices with no excuses," and "Vapo-rub in your margarine tube" are just a few great examples that can most excellently tickle your fancy.

www.redmeat.com Enjoy ;)

And now for your weekly update: I'm getting better at this I promise!  

The work week was fine and dandy, I actually have no problems with the restaurant and even though the clients are snobby, my superior telemarketing experience has molded me effectively enough to really not give a shit. There was a small teeny problem that really made me want to shoot myself, or others. As with most service related jobs usually the footwear must be all black and not sneakers. So I THOUGHT I bought a fairly decent pair of shoes but turns out they made my feet so crippled and sore I was hobbling and wincing in pain almost every night. What makes it worse is that I'm flat footed and I wasn't able to fit in my soles in the shoes so being quick and agile didn't really happen. Tomorrow I'm making it a mission to get something better or else I might cause some permanent damage. 

As I said to y'all earlier, our clientele are rich and snobby.  There is the actual full service restaurant downstairs and upstairs(where I work) is more take out and like a cafe as well as selling specialized imported products that are grossly over priced.  Some people feel the need to come to us, the counter girls, to complain about labels being in French or meals tasting too heavy. Does it truly look like I give a fuck about whether you liked the food or not? For some reason these customers would rather complain to counter girls instead of managers and chefs about their problems. But whatever, I'm so used to people complaining to me about something that I have absolutely no control over it doesn't even bother me anymore. 

Since I have so many friends who have worked in restaurants or any other type of job in the service industry, I have always vowed to myself that I'd never work in that industry for as long as I can. Surprisingly I'm liking it and this is only because I get to move around a lot, I get to meet new people all the time, and even if I have retarded customers all day it's definitely something to laugh about.  And because I'm such a foodie and excellent seller, my boss is putting me on the floor to greet customers and sell them the products. Apparently everything I tell a customer about they buy so that's always a good thing. 

One annoying thing I've realized is tips. Now I'm not expecting crazy tips from people but usually when I go out and I get a meal I like to tip at least the tax amount of my bill. Some customers would spend over $60 on a full service meal UPSTAIRS and not even bother tipping. Or they would make sure they have the EXACT amount of the bill just so that they don't have to tip. It's very odd....and even a tad neurotic. Whatever, if this place is going to be like it's first location then the tips will get way better in time...

I've been kinda out of the loop lately in terms of keeping up with my daily gossip and current events. I barely even have time to update my Facebook status...banish the thought! I hardly even have time for TV anymore. As usual mother has taken over the television and out of the whole day I got to see one episode of Kind of the Hill. Yes....pathetic. But amazingly just now as mother was flipping through the channels I made her stop at Blue Brothers, and we caught it right at the beginning!!! :D

The weekend was fabulous as usual, more painful than previous weekends but that was only because I worked all weekend.  Poor boy found it difficult to contain himself....hehehehehehe *snort*

Alright...James Brown is preaching at the Triple Rock...I'll catch you kids on the flipside ;)

Bananas and Espressos...

So I'm sitting down now with the full intention of updating my blog but for some strange reason this Arabic movie is making me procrastinate, and only after 30 mins have I decided to type. This is what happens when my mother is home....the soap operas and dramas come back full force!

So these past two weeks have been fun filled indeed.  Mostly on the weekends though, during the week it's just one agonizing day of repetition after another. But something has changed: I no longer am working at the bank now. I am now a counter girl/ waitress/ espresso wench serving a rich clientele at a snazzy new restaurant downtown.  

Actually it's pretty cool and the girls I work with are very down to earth.  So it's a nice change from the unrecognized labor of contract work at the bank. Of course they let me go without any previous notice and told me that I was such a hard worker and was a great part of their team. Same song and dance as usual. Although they paid me fairly decently I don't know if I want to do another contract with them. I'm quite sick and tired of being taken advantage of and having no job security. Yea the restaurant pays less, but at least I know they'll need me and I won't get screwed over because I'm one of the very few full timers that they have.  And it's better than sitting on my ass listening to people bitch at me over the phone. 

It's only April and it's my fourth job...My schedule is crap and I'll most likely be working on my birthday but whatever, I need the cash.

Now let's see, last weekends activities were quite diverse: I watched an Iron Maiden tribute concert on Saturday and on Sunday I went to my godson's 2nd birthday...sober too.  So it was a weekend filled with spandex, wigs, drunken middle aged men, screaming babies, and cupcakes. Oh and I got to see a big ass Walmart in Vaudreuil, apparently it's the largest one in Quebec so needless to say I was kinda scared most of the time but I think I hid it well...only a few minor twitches.  

Oh there was a strange man at Foufs who looked like a cross between Cory Hart and Sammy Davis Jr (but white and angry) who decided to make our table his own and leave his empty glass at our area. So obviously I put it back at his, he huffs up as if someone just twisted his panties and called me a bitch and other obscenities only because I did not appreciate him throwing his weight around. Whatever, it was a completely hilarious situation because he looked so out of place at the bar. Looks like I hurt his feelings...awww...

This weekend was spent watching British comedy, drunken hooligans getting arrested on the streets, and old men trying to pick up on young ugly women. Yes...I went to Thursdays. Granted we were on the terrace most of the time so we were out of the line of fire from roving nasty male eyes.  But we did have the temptation of going to the "disco" downstairs just for kicks but we were too lazy to go through coat check. Ah well...

Of course each weekend had a delightful backdrop of delicious torment and recovery that seems to test our limits as the weeks roll by. A constant reminder of what happened and what will happen. I ain't complainin' ;)

Since it's been two weeks since my last entry, I am missing quite a few cute little details that would've made this entry much more riveting. But I guess this will have to do for now. And hey, I'm working at a restaurant now catering to the wealthy so I'm definitely bound to get some gold material hehehehe

Shaking Your Meat...

So I thought I was gonna be a trooper today and pull a double shift, but after the blissful torment of this past weekend's activities I pussied out and left for home after an hour in the survey joint. My boss said that I basically shouldn't over exert myself and that I can come back full time once the bank contract is finished. So that gives me more time for some long lost activity called "sleep," but I doubt it shall grace me with its presence anyway...apparently I have a busy social life!

Sometimes too busy, but hell I'm not really complaining....not when the company is most entertaining. The work week wasn't too enthralling; well I did enjoy sending my co-workers dirty emails (Stacey) knowing they have to bite their tongue for not busting from laughter.  Out of abject boredom and near delirium, the girls and I have decided we should come up with some sort of comedy show showcasing the kooky antics of temp workers....because y'all know we are the runts of the workforce.  Exciting trips to Pharmaprix, drooling over keyboards, and being buried under boxes of 90,000 faxes....all the while handling highly sensitive financial information!!!! I think it'll be a hit, we're still thinking of a name though so if you have any suggestions, do let me know. 

Friday after work I meet up with Soula and opened her taste buds to new types of sushi fantastic delight, and, of course, I made a follower of her. Afterwards we head over to Unity...again...to party it up for Billy's birthday. The usual bumping and grinding ensued and the music that night was particularly awesome and let's just say poor Soula couldn't keep up with me.  Out of the blue I bump into Pierre unexpectedly that night. Of course he picked me up(which is no small feat...) and humped me in the air. I know it sounds impossible, but he did it.  So he chilled with us for a bit then he went off to do his thing, always a blast with him around :)  I really did miss Billy though and I was so happy to finally see him again after so long, as well as a bunch of other friends from my old jobs and parties. Sweating and shivering I hailed a cab with Soula and made our way home afterwards. I thought the cabbie was taking us home the extra long way but surprisingly it became the cheapest fare I had so far, so I was pleasantly surprised.  

The rest of the weekend consisted of testing one's limits and discovering just how much pain tolerance one has.  But, pain is relative of course, and I found myself shivering in many different ways; the initial sensation, the deepening of pain, clenching of teeth, sweetness of release, and the throbbing burn that leaves you shuddering and giggling for more....and that was just foreplay!  Needless to say I walked(or hobbled) into work today looking as if I just came back from a three day nonstop horseback ride.  I never thought I would be pleased about seeing bruises...who knew!?

So now I am home and enjoying Suede. I found them hidden in my iTunes and went on a download spree. I've been playing Beautiful Ones on repeat for over an hour now. It brings a smile to my face; I think of my sisters and my friends...

Enjoy

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits

Drag acts, drug acts, suicides, in your dad's suits you hide

staining his name again, 

Cracked up, stacked up, 22, psycho for sex and glue

lost is to Bostik, yeah

Shaved heads, rave heads, on the pill, got too much time to kill

get into bands and gangs

Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones

Loved up, Doved up, hung around, stoned in a lonely town

shaking their meat to the beat, 

High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine

shaking their bits to the hits, 

Oh here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones.

You don't think about it, 

You don't do without it, 

And if you baby's going crazy, that's how you made me, 

La, la, la, la...

Popping the Irish Cherry

As promised I must give you a thorough update of the week's festivities. Full of tedium, bruises, beer, and sushi fantastic delight. 

Firstly, the work week was okay. Honestly if it wasn't for the twacked out ladies I work with I'd probably hang myself...or staple myself continuously...or cover myself with Post-Its...whichever comes first. I mean the job is simple enough, it's just VERY repetitive and time consuming. Especially when you're in charge of verifying other people's work, you can't exactly slack off...or some poor schmuck in Kamloops won't get his disability tax break. 

But we're still bitches so we find joy in making fun of client's names. Unfortunately I cannot post a few of my favorites but let me tell you, their parents must really hate them....

My mornings would consist of me waking up from my alarm, falling back asleep, then get violently woken up by my mother barging in my room yelling about my lateness. "Getting ready" involves falling out of the bed from shock, dodging my mother's flying slippers as I scamper to the bathroom, brush the fur off my teeth and scrubbing my face raw, slap on something "clean", and be out the door within 15 minutes. 

I'd catch a glimpse of myself through the metro window reflection and I actually become startled by my hideousness, especially as I'm sitting amongst the business chic.  Usually around 2 PM I start to realize my surroundings and that's when I stop grunting answers. 

Friday I got my overnight bag ready, which was really a snazzy looking beach bag, and prepared myself for the weekend plans. I was to spend the next few days roaming from house to house like a nomad, partying in the wee hours of the night, and continuing the boozing for St. Patrick's Day. 

Friday night and Saturday was most enjoyable; the quickest way to a girl's heart (or mine anyway) is sushi, comedy, and comfy sheets....and some others things as well that only a few select individuals know of. I still grin at the memories...

After having to rip myself away from that I met up with some University friends in the Village and we partied at Unity. Jamming it up with my girls and watching scantily clad ripped boys dance on stages all around you is always something to look forward to. However my friends had to leave early, so at 1:30 in the morning I found myself walking towards Sky to meet with Pierre. We were both going to crash at Ryan's that night and I was contemplating whether I should go inside for what little was left of the night. But the entertainment outside proved quite worth the wait. Bum fights, dyke fights, and random women falling over me made me fall in love with the Village more and more.  So Pierre left the club and men wanting more of him and he and I walked to Ryan's place....in the tear inducing weather.  It was so windy and icky I developed a slight cold, that is only now leaving. 

Now if y'all don't remember Ryan is the proud owner of two ferrets....these ferrets are cute and and nice but Pierre and I lose our patience every now and then. That night I was lucky enough to have the bedroom all to myself and the ferrets just annoyed only Pierre for the evening....ah,  restful bliss.

Restful my ass, I think I got maybe 6 hours of "sleep" during those two crazy nights, but it was well worth it. Sunday morning I had me some crepes with Ryan and I headed over to the parade. It was my first time seeing the parade and I was pretty excited. Plus I was going to hang out with some very awesome people.  

So I manage to find my friend Liya amongst the crowds after getting through the mosh-like pit of Mackay and St. Catherine. It was mad chaos. I never seen so many angry mothers yelling and screaming at people who even DARED stand in front of their children for more than 15 seconds and block their view. One particular old hag was spewing out obscenities so foul I stood in shock. Not because of what she was saying, but that she was saying them in front of about ten very young children.  What annoyed me the most was that a photographer from the Gazette, who took pics of me and a few other people(no I didn't make the cover), proceeded to this bag of bitchiness and started to chat her up. This is only because she was covered head to toe with Irish flair of some sort...and my did she have the sweetest disposition once she realized who she was talking too. At that point she was all honey drops and sugarplums....I felt like puking. 

So at around 1 I head over to what was formerly known as Cheers with Liya and get our drink on. Well continue the drinking, I was actually already drinking thanks to back pack beers.  After managing our way through the line up and coat check we plop our asses down at the bar in the back and started our own little party. I get a call from my friend and he wasn't able to get into the bar....apparently the cops wouldn't allow it. So I got pissed and I head outside to see what the problem was. I step outside without my coat (but I did have my trusty beach bag) and find a mini riot going on right before my eyes. The cops were dragging and beating random drunkards and not letting anyone back in the bar. I find my friend and he's in front of the cop barricade and I was making my way towards him when I was somewhat roughly manhandled by an officer as I tried explaining to him that I'm just getting a friend and I'll be back at the bar,  but to no avail I was pushed aside. So we chilled at a rotten parking lot for a bit and waited it out. We made our way back and the ruffians dispersed thankfully. I smooth talked our way back into the bar and I was happily greeted by Liya drunk off her ass and a fresh beer waiting for me. 

Discreet fondlings and a couple beers and shots later I was quite the happy camper. I left for home in a daze, lost my sunglasses, and greeted my mother with a crooked grin....I think she was proud.

And there you have it, a detailed account of my recent activities. But don't worry, you won't have to wait so long anymore. This weekend is going to be a whole other ball game ;)

Drool Spots on your Pillow

Yea it's been a while since my last update....sue me.

As you can tell I am now doing a day shift at the bank, and not liking it too kindly. I swear I'm such a whiny bitch sometimes; I complain about lack of work and when I do work I complain about the hours...whatevs.

I REALLY don't feel like coming in today but alas I must. I wish I could update my blog at work but things are super regulated and I'm not even allowed to go on certain sites...

Oh, another reason why I didn't update for a while is because I had an interview last week at some customer service joint and they asked me if I had any blogs....and I told them about this one.

So yea I didn't want to comment about the place until I figured out if I got the job or not, but at this point I couldn't give a rat's ass. I told them it's a personal blog and if they have any objections they can kiss it. 

I'm pleasant in the morning, no? Alrighty....I have to get my crusty ass up and handle highly confidential information that can make or break someone's financial record. Yays!

I'll update tonight....promise. If not, hunt me down with torches and pitchforks....

Harvesting the Crust from Your Eyes

In the morning (or afternoon in my case usually) do you ever feel scared to look at yourself in the mirror after a night of heavy drinking? You can FEEL the crust and layer of make up forming colonies on your skin because you were too lazy (or just not coordinate enough) to scrape it off your face the night before. Your tongue is dry and feels like sandpaper and you're afraid to run that tongue over your teeth because you might just taste something that can induce you to vomit. 

But damn was the party worth it.

It was my friend's "30th" Birthday Bash and it was held at her awesome apartment, where we drank disgusting amounts of wine and pink champagne. Retro and 80's music was blasting from the sound system and everyone was sharing drunken birthday experiences and how much Reader's Digest has screwed us all over one way or another.  Wine was spilled(of course by me) and luckily the majority of it landed on me so at least I won't be blamed for ruining some one's dress....just my own jeans. But apparently it's good luck, I seem to be lacking that as of late.

It was a much needed night out after the week I had.  Home life issues have taken a much quicker turn for the worse and let's just say that I shall be out of the house by summer time, maybe earlier.  I'm looking forward to it, I'm just not pleased by the circumstances...but that shall be explained on another blog. Someone is going to be bitten hard by Karma and it won't be me.  

I just noticed I have another wine stain...on my arm. Good grief I need a shower.  

Ya know, I'm pretty lucky to have the support from my friends.  And if it weren't for them to help calm me down and see the picture in black and white I'd be a whimpering mess and most likely on my way to another city.  So no amount of threats or asshole behavior can ruin my goals.  

Alright, time for me to get my ass out of bed and see the light of day....I'll try not to wobble too much...

Windex and Wasabi

I do apologize for such a long delay...it seems last week wasn't quite eventful for most of it so I didn't really have much to report.

Work was mind numbing as usual; on one particular day I was hit on for the first half and then bitched out the other half.  From men breathing fiercely in my ear telling me how much they like my voice, to assholes asking for my name and boss's name so that I can be "reported." Like I give a flying fuck.  

Mid week I did find out some controversial news about a few friends of mine, though. At times it made me sick and angry, but I've grown to settle with the fact that in the end I am not a pillar of morality and that it is best to not be a shit disturber.  Sometimes you are put into tricky situations and loyalties and responsibilities are tested.  But once you take a step back and try to clear your head, there is only so much you can do and just hope the truth comes out as it should, and not backhandedly. 

And now for the weekend update kids: cleaning frenzies and maki mishaps.  I gave up sleeping Saturday morning and decided to clean the house at 7 AM.  We were expecting guests so I had to make the house look somewhat presentable. Afterwards we all have lunch and by making a stupid mistake of eating yogurt I completely ruined the rest of my night.  

Eating sushi that night was a challenge; chop sticks were flying and a family of surf clam experienced one casualty...he will be missed. Maybe it was the fact that I hardly slept, or the combination of food that I ate(fuck it,  both) but towards the end of the night I was a sad sack of delirium with the bladder of a 3 year old. So I don't think I attained the level of attraction that I wanted to that evening...as I was trying ever so hard to calm down my shakes and twitches.  Ah well....better luck next time. 

Sunday I visited Pierre with food and drink, for we had a mighty task at hand: we cleaned the apartment. Now I love his mother, but dang the woman has a bit of a spending problem. She'll buy and buy and buy without realizing that she already has 15 versions of the same thing at home, unopened.  It was quite the task to get that apartment in order, we killed some critters and swiffered the place until it shined.  I just hope it lasts...

Afterwards I visit Petro and Soula and we finally are up to date with Dr.Who.  This suspense is killing us!!!  Who's the new Doctor?! I can't wait a couple months for this....it'll just be too torturous.  

So today I'm playing hooky with work. I realized that they already owe me hours and considering how little they are paying me it won't make much of a difference. I shall take the opportunity today so do some more research and get some work done....after I take a couple naps of course hehehe.  

FOOOOOOD!!!!!! GLORIOUS FOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

....DON'T CARE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!!

Previously that philosophy(and catchy show tune) has been my mantra, but as evidence of this weekend has shown, not so much anymore.

I made the faithful mistake of dining on a cheese stick, well not one, but 4 I think.....and some chicken wings. Well fuck I figured my "new lifestyle" wasn't going to happen until next week so I might as well go out with a bang eh? Ah, if only.  

You see for a few days prior to my Saturday sports bar dining, I actually was eating properly and avoided all such evil foods. I just never thought my body would react so quickly to something it was so used to in the past. And so in the midst of drinking beer and playing pool(I won) my stomach started to percolate something fierce and I had to high tale it home or else Montezuma's Revenge was going to make a spectacle out of me in front of the charming society of Chomedey's finest.  

So that was the highlight of Saturday. Sunday was a lazy day, I just got back from watching the end of season 4 of Dr. Who with Petro and Soula. I made them dinner and we sat riveted as new revelations unfolded.  I proposed that we plan a sick marathon of the 30 season of the old Dr. Who next winter. I think we just might do it :D

Ah yes, Friday. Friday was productive as I was able to lay out plans of the website to a good friend of mine. Time scales and technicalities were established so at least I know I won't be going through with this blindly.  It was an excruciatingly long day at work, and since it was the end of the month we had all the crap campaigns. One in particular made no sense: I had to call people who were telemarketed by representatives of Bell and asked them how THAT call went. Yes. Think about that. Two questions of the same mindless 1-10 answering scale to ask them how their call from a telemarketer was.  People were rightfully pissed and wanted to talk to my managers...I really didn't care much about it anyway but it just goes to show you what lengths big conglomerations would go to just to annoy the crap out of their customers. 

Ugh I need another job...

Foot in Mouth Disease...

...I seemed to have caught it, quite hard too. 

Having a text discussion with a friend of mine I ended up saying something completely asinine that in result hurt him very much.  It takes you half a second to realize what a moron you were and you begin to frantically try to explain yourself... and in the end you just sound like a complaining idiot.  

I've said previously that I am very proud of the friends I have, I still am of course, but I find myself learning more and more from them everyday. Just when you think you know a person you begin to take things for granted and you start to assume certain aspects about them as a given. And my what a big slap in the face I had when I started to assume...

I think it has become a huge misconception that in order to form a lasting friendship one has to divulge everything about themselves within the first few days of seeing each other just to provide each other validation and faith in similarities.  If you really think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, you sort of realize that many of your friendships may have been formed that.  Well today I realized that as much as I think I may have known my friend, I was quick to understand that some people have very good reasons to be conservative about their willingness to share their past experiences...and patience is a key ingredient to a lasting friendship. 

Other than that speed bump my week so far has been uneventful. I finished reading Skinny Bitch in 4 hours and I've had some SERIOUS contemplations about becoming vegan. Me; the ambassador of all that is bovine to become a Vegemite. Now before y'all start telling me that I'm just joining a hype and that I will fall off the wagon by the end of the first week  by stuffing my face with ribs, hear me out. The only reason why I am contemplating such a drastic lifestyle change is because I just don't think my body can handle it anymore. I'm already lactose intolerant, I can't stand chicken...and as much as I love a juicy steak, I feel like a beached whale after a few bites.  However, I am still human. I will never give up fish, and I will continue to drink like a fish...organic or not.  

So next week I start my new regime of a healthier me. Obviously it takes baby steps but I don't feel daunted about this at all. And don't worry, I won't turn into some granola breath bitch preaching about the joys of tofu, so you can sleep comfortably now.

By the way, my friend and I are cool :p

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

" Like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick." 

That was the feeling I had once I finished watching a particular two-part episode on Dr. Who. It was so creepy that my heart actually fluttered from shock. I tried explaining this to my friends and they just smiled and nodded...and gently pet my head. They love me. 

Also, what happened last night is a clear example of how much of a klutz I am.  Not only did I spill water and break the glass while doing so, but I also broke a magnet on the fridge. How I did this I do not know...I had to touch it though it was a cow magnet. And since it was 1 in the morning it took all of my might to not bust a gut laughing at the retardedness of the situation. These two events happened within mere minutes of each other: Petro just finishes cleaning up my mess, turns around, then realizes he has to glue a magnet back together....at that point I was banished to stand still and not move. Today I'll find out if his mom bitched at him or not...hehehehehe. 

In the midst of Doctorin' the Tardis and making an ass out of myself, I managed to be quite productive and FINALLY laid out the structure of the ezine....I already gave out assignments as well.  This week I am meeting with some very good friends who will help and offer advice and get this thing off the ground. I am hoping by summer time I will have more than enough content and info to have the site up an running. And it gives me enough time to think of a name...I did have one in mind previously but now I'm quite tired of it so I'm juggling with a few options. We shall see...

Odd little news I found out on Saturday: an ex of mine from ages ago chatted up with me on MSN and decided to tell me all nonchalant-like that he was shot at a few weeks ago. And then he proceeds to tell me he has to get going. That's the problem with him, I never know whether he is telling the truth or whether he just randomly tells me these things to get me thinking about him. I don't know...the dude is married now but that's a whole other topic that I'll get to eventually. So at a local bar he "probably pissed off the wrong American" and he shot him in the stomach. Luckily it was just a graze but fuck he made it as if it was merely a flesh wound! That's the way he is: he drops you a bomb like that and then leaves, like it's no big deal....no wonder we broke up...

I have to go to work soon, and I REALLY don't feel like it. Again, how hard is it to choose a number between 1-10? It is almost as if people are too afraid to commit themselves to a number and they feel that this rating shall forever be written in stone and as a result they will be firing 10,000 Bell employees from Bangladesh.  Uh, no. Grab a hold of your shriveled up balls and give me a proper answer for the love of fuck...

I love Mondays...

On the Road to Nowhere

Thank goodness it's Friday...this seemed to be a never ending week. 

My progress at the survey joint is good, apparently I'm already hitting my quota and my boss is already my bitch: "If you need anything, ANYTHING, at all PLEASE tell me and I will make you as comfortable as possible." She likes me because I actually show up on time and I don't sound like I just came off the boat.  

Tragic news though, although I really shouldn't have gotten my hopes up on this anyway. I had my phone interview today and was not "considered a good candidate" for that position because although it requires 95% English speaking skills, that measly 5% of French skills trumps it all, even though I have over 3 years worth of experience and whatnot. So I'm back on the job hunt again...the survey place is fine but I can't live off the pennies that they offer me an hour. 

I'm not liking the way my CV is looking anyway: too much banking and not enough of media arts.  So I've decided that even if I need to do internships or freelance, I have to build my portfolio no matter what.  I'm determined to depend on no one but myself when it comes to a career so if it means doing drudgery for nothing, then so be it.  

This weekend I'll be doing a bit of research on building a simple website and getting a domain name, it's time to get this shit started.  I was always daunted at what laid ahead of me in regards to building this ezine. I always felt that if it failed at least I have something steady to fall back on. But I can't keep thinking that way anymore. If this project is going to be my little brainchild, my future moneymaker, I can't think of it half assed. I have to put my full energy into it. I'll be one of those maniacs at coffee shops having a nervous twitch with greasy hair and rapidly typing away at their laptops...totally hot. 

Expectations are high, especially from myself. One doesn't want to consider failure as an option but I have to be realistic about these things.  If it fails by not being popular enough, not targeting the right demographic, or just being a clone of something else...then I have to go back to the drawing board and get the creative juices flowing again. 

So no, maybe I shouldn't title this entry as On the Road to Nowhere. 

I feel better now, or maybe that's just delirium kicking in because my hunger is at a ravenous point...what do you think?

Cubicle Claustrophobia

As much as the place may be neat and clean...I was feeling major cabin fever working there.  My "work area" was very tight and we had actual phones instead of an automatic dialer/ headset thingy.  And since I'm so used to numerical typing I had to stop myself from dialing client numbers on the keyboard...and not on the actual phone... But considering it is a telemarketing place I was pretty pleased with the job. It's basically straight forward surveys and I don't need to annoy people if they don't want to talk. And yes I was a goof by being excited about my first completed survey....

Our trainer was a special sort of man: Gangly and old he smelled of sour death and coffee and made me contemplate why I showered since he kept spraying his point to everyone. But other than that it was bearable. 

And now for the weekend update: It was most excellent :) 

Firstly on V-day, Marie-Eve and I went to a swank event hosted by our dear friends at Horsemen Entertainment.  Everyone had to wear red or mahogany and the venue was at Le Crystal hotel.  See now the invite said to be there for 8, and we wanted to be fashionably late so we get there for 10:30. Lo and behold we're the only ones there. So we get a drink and chill.  Soon after we see our friend the DJ and he sways over to us and says "Next time you go to a black people party show up at 1."  So we cackled, finished our drink and headed out to get some grub to sustain us for the night.

We hit Crescent and find a small little Italian resto that had decent prices. We walk in and it's mayhem:  Middle aged men and woman dancing on tables and singing along to some guy at a piano.  We managed to get seated and served right away...and I must say that our waiter was quite the piece of eye candy. Young though but he served a purpose. We dined and as we left he did something cute and got us two roses from a nearby vase...my first rose of the year.  

So we head back to the hotel and the party is finally jammin'. Music is pumpin' and people are starting to come in.  We spent the night chatting with people and getting our picture taken by the photographer. Good times indeed. 

I took a few pics myself but they came out so nasty I won't even grace my friends on Crackbook with them...even I have standards.  However we did look smashing: Marie-eve and I had the whole Victorian goth thing going on. But I'm positive she was much more comfortable than I. I decided to squeeze myself in a corset AND a tight skirt...on the ride home I was becoming delirious from the lack of oxygen and constant pressure on my ribs.  But by the time I crawled my ass into bed I was able to feel my arms again. Ah the things we do...

Sunday was a lazy day but in the evening Soula and I dined at Petro's place and satisfied out Dr. Who addiction by watching a few episodes of season 4. I almost had a conniption from the new revelations. You all will join the movement once I'm through with you...

Now I'm going to satisfy another addiction.....Nutella.

Colder Than a Witch's Tit

Yes, that cold. I actually stopped myself from grunting as I was walking to the metro, that's how nasty Montreal weather is. 

Now I'm all warm and snuggled inside my miniscule bed, ah these are the moments that make life worth living. 

Today was a day dedicated to my friends; whether it was helping them in their homework, man troubles, or just spending time with them...my goal was to put a smile on their faces.  

Some people have friends that they've known since they were toddlers, I on the other hand didn't find true friendship until I started working and going to college.  Everyone else before that gave me nothing but disappointment.  I think you begin to appreciate your friendships more as you meet them at an older age. I seem to notice also that people hold on to friendships only because they've known them for so long, not because they've been a good friend.  I can't think that way.  I can't put myself through frustration and denial just to not hurt the other person's feelings.  People grow and change, sometimes faster than others.  

I am fiercely loyal to the friends I have now, and I know without a doubt that backstabbing will never occur. Oh of course there will be times where I want to rip off one of their heads in frustration or shake them violently because they don't know their way around the Eaton Center(you know who you are...) but these moments are just in passing.  

On several occasions it has been suggested that I move to Toronto or even New York because I would have a better chance of developing my career.  I've been told that there isn't really a market profitable enough in my field in Montreal and that I would have better chances elsewhere. I was also told that because I have no ties here that it would be easier for me to move....meaning not being in a relationship.  However, unless I give it the best shot I could in this city, I would never know for sure whether I would make the right decision or not.  And leaving the family of friends that I made here would leave me depressed, truly.

Besides I'm too broke to even fathom moving. 

So no, moving out of the city is just not an option for me right now, and hopefully it never will be.  As much as this city is full of idiots and bipolar weather, it is where I grew up as an adult and became the person I am.  I will continue to bitch about the snow that I am waist deep in, complain about the week long summer, and yell at the language police...but all this just adds to its charm, and I really wouldn't have it any other way.  

By the way, Happy Friday the 13th kids ;)

Wolfman's Got Nards!!!!

Ah, I do love cheesy horror movies...if you can guess correctly which movie that was from you get a cookie and a pat on the head!

So my day began with meeting up with Nick and using his McGill ID to print out some lessons for my client, then at 4 I had my "interview" for that survey place. Basically all I did was show up, fill out an application form, read the survey questions, and agree to a starting date. The turn over rate must be insane. 

But, the place looks clean and decent, and that's a good thing to have at a telemarketing company. I've worked at some rat holes with worn out cubicles and black screened "computers" with no mouse. Pure ghetto.  Whatever,  it's only for two months anyway and I don't have to wake up at the crack of ass anymore. I rolled out of bed with a huge smile on my face because I didn't have an alarm blaring at me.  Yay for me, I won't look like death in the morning anymore!!!

I just received my pay from last week, it feels so good to see a non negative amount in your account...but then the smile fades as you start slashing it apart with the bills you have to pay. 

*sigh* 

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th, I plan on drinking and helping Tina with her homework. Bad mix?  Fuck no it's gonna be hella educational.  I'm sure she'll just love my rendition of Shakespeare in between the slurs and the belches.  What more can a girl want?

Strawberries and Sugar

Can't get sweeter than that, no? I needed it considering what crap I went through these past two days. 

Yesterday wasn't too horrible, I was just so tired when I came home I fell asleep at 7:30, I felt like a senior citizen. Today however was a tad different. I start my day at work fairly decently, but as the hours progressed I began to learn more about the office politics at this particular bank. 

Firstly, let's set the atmosphere: I am the youngest person on that floor, and most likely the only girl not going through menopause or experiencing chronic hot flashes. Also, everyone is on contract, so it can get a little discouraging as you have aspirations of moving up in the company when you've seen people on contract for years with no sight for advancement. 

I finish my shift at 4:30, but at 4 my boss vaguely told me that today is my last day and that my help would not be needed anymore. Way to give me notice lady! It's almost a double edged sword: you bust your ass to get recognized, and when you are seen as a good producer, they use you dry until there is nothing left.  Ah, the joys of banking...

On a good note though I am going to be working for a survey joint next week. So yea I'm back on the phones...ugh. 

Three jobs in two months...my tax return is going to be fabulous. 

I am still tutoring though, although I am mainly doing it for the money, I forgot how rewarding and fun it is. I'd do it for free if money wasn't an issue.  

Oh, I'm buying my Opeth tickets on friday!!!!! I'm so excited :D

Eyes that squint like Rene Zellweger

Apparently that's what I have when I hardly have a wink of sleep. Ever notice that after Bridget Jones she seems to always have an English-esque accent in her later films?....just an observation.

So I managed to survive the day with zero travesties, however on the metro ride home I scared a few children with my glazed stares and jolts of waking up, and random snorting.  

I did receive some good news, I will be having a phone interview with the bank of choice next week...I've been aching for that particular job for quite a while now so I'm happy the ball is finally rolling.  Steady income here we come!!! I swear you know when you're broke when you know exactly how much money you have in your account...to the cent.

An interesting conversation I had last night brought me to the contemplation of the varying degrees of calling someone a "dork." We all know what it means, who we envision as we think of the word, and how to use it. But have you ever thought of variations on dorkness...like is there an uber dork, sub dork, quasi dork, flaming dork? I only ask this because simply calling someone a dork just isn't enough. You know they fit in that category but feel you must put some extra adjective in front of dork in order to satisfy the effect.  

And now I have given the perfect example of someone who is a flaming dork...

Gurgle gurgle

I think I had 15 minutes worth of sleep...this day shall be fun...

Smokes for Shakespeare

Ok, ok…I really have to start getting the hang of this again. It’s been over two weeks and I haven’t posted anything. Forgive me?

 

Well it has been pretty interesting, full of partying, laughs, and even cleaning up animal shit!

 

Let’s start from the beginning shall we? The 30^th was an excruciatingly long day spent downtown doing fuck all. Oh I had things to do, but in between these arrangements were long hours of staring blankly outside a window.  In the afternoon I had an appointment with a job agency, I was arranged to start working at a bank for a short term contract starting the next week. Full time data entry. Whatever it was money in my pocket so I could have cared less. 

 

After my appointment I bump into a friend and chill with her and her boyfriend at a café were we got free food, which was great because we were all broke and her boyfriend does some business with the owners. Yes, anything to get a freebie.

 

Once they had to get going I ended up at Chapters putsing around reading about my horoscopes and whatnot. Now the only reason I am downtown for so long was because I was going to see Pierre once he finished work, which was at 11 pm. We were taking over a friend’s apartment over the weekend while they were on vacation so we planned on heavily boozing it up.

 

 So I’m at Chapters until 9:45, as they were closing any minute. Head outside and sit at a food court for another 45 mins watching a nasty teenybopper couple making out, I wanted to shoot myself from the pure boredom I was experiencing.  Leave to yet another mall and pass some time there, then get kicked out by the security guards due to closing hours. Finally 11 rolls around and I’m at Pierre’s place of employment, enjoying the indoor heating. We meet and head over to apartment….

 

Ever seen a ferret before? Not only see one, but also spend a significant amount of time with such a creature? At first they are cute, then you start to look at them in loathing and contempt and think of them only as God’s mistakes…. furry clawed devils.  Our friend has two ferrets that are not the brightest of pets.  Now since our friend works long hours he doesn’t have much time cleaning after his pets but makes sure they are adequately fed and otherwise taken care of.  As Pierre and I walk into the apartment, we knew what we had to do, and braced ourselves. Firstly the stench leaves you delirious momentarily, but as the haze lifts from your eyes you realize you are walking into a cornucopia of ferret shit and have to dodge your poor feet away from the piles of poop throughout the floor.  Screaming, gagging and in near tears we scrubbed that place raw before we considered sleeping, or even relaxing for that matter. But after a bottle of Merlot and satisfying gyros, we nuzzled ourselves into bed and tried to forget about the whole matter.

 

The next day the ferrets were calm and didn’t bug me as much. Pierre was at work and I had the place to myself. Watched Queer as Folk and got myself ready for that night’s festivities; I was off to the south shore for Elaine’s birthday J.  

As always her parties are awesome, full of singing and interpretive dance…who could ask for more!? I didn’t sleep until 8:30 am Sunday morning so I think it was time well spent. 

 

Last week was spent working at the bank, waking up at 5:30 is not a pleasant experience, but surprisingly I did not show up late once! It’s a pretty simple job, mainly adjusting interest rates on specific mutual funds. I work with some pretty cool people so it gets me through the day. However there are increasing occasions in which my mind wanders and I snap out of my daze then realize 30 mins have passed by and I adjusted the same account 15 times. Oops!

This weekend I’m actually relaxing and pampering myself, I was supposed to see a friend and help her with her Shakespeare homework….my payment, cigs. Now THAT’S a friendJ However she was too sickly so it gave me perfect opperutnity to get my ass in gear and write away…

 

I WILL keep you kids updated, promise!

Game Show Network

Being unemployed is never fun, however when you start looking forward to watching Family Feud and reruns of Match Game, that's when you know you gotta get your ass in gear and pick up a friggen hobby. 

I am technically employed, I'll be teaching the masses how to converse in English. It's part time until more clients start to pile up, and for those who know me these clients are in for a treat. I am not your typical tutor that will be by the book with exercises of gerunds and dangling participles, rather I like to shoot the shit with my clients and let them have fun in their lessons. I do this because it makes my life easier, and it masks the fact that my spelling and grammar are horrendous. But don't tell them that heehee...

So anyways these past five days were interesting, and yes I apologize for taking my sweet ass time in posting a new blog. I told you I'm lazy! 

I ended up applying to about three bars, all of which were not looking or wanted me to come in the next day for an "interview." I always wondered what this "interview" would entail...do they bring out a measuring tape and get my personal digits? Because I highly doubt if my knowledge of mixology will be of any consequence...not that I have such knowledge but you get my drift. I came home feeling gross and short changed, I'm worth better than this aren't I? After a few hours and a couple smokes I started to believe it, and had the whole notion of bar tending out of my head.  Plus I never got a call back anyway so whatever. 

Next day I had my interview with the ESL president and we had a nice informative discussion about client tutor policies and what to expect out of our contracts. I'm pretty excited and I'm looking forward to building a clientele, especially since they will all be closer to home.  

The weekend was spent visiting friends and keeping them company. I pride myself on my circle of friends, they are pretty eclectic and varied. Although sometimes some friends I can't mesh too well with others because they either have no social tact whatsoever, or they just don't get along as much due to past differences. But nothing horrendous though, no cat fights or tire slashings. I can't see myself being friends with someone who refuses to burst their bubble of ignorant bliss and realize that there are so many different scenes out there and that just because these people are not from your part of town, not your nationality, or listen to different music as you, doesn't mean they are someone not worthy of your time. This mentality is one of the major reasons why I couldn't stand high school. Many of the people I encountered there have the same reasoning to this day, even after college, university, and work.  I try to steer clear from them...

Now because I'm dirt broke I decided to spend the other day at Chapters and read the new releases. I finished He's Just Not That Into You in 3 hours, and my the epiphanies and revelations I had. The book is written by two of the head writers of Sex and the City and it basically is formatted in a question and answer style with commentaries at the end of each section.  It's funny, truthful, and painfully honest. My love life so far has been filled with shortcomings and false promises.  Not that I'm giving up on it all, hell I'm not even 25, but I've learned so far that I will not be put in a position of waiting anymore. Either waiting for a date, a call, an ounce of recognition.  I'm a naturally bubbly person, I will chat with anyone and be the life of the party by the end of the night. So being approached is not the issue, it's keeping them interested. But then you have to ask yourself why should you have to fight to keep that person interested in you when CLEARLY he should see just how awesome you are and grovel at your feet! It's tough to condition yourself into believing that it's not you, it's him. Granted being closed off from society and sabotaging any sort of connection with the opposite sex won't help you at all, and that is definitely something to change about yourself. I unfortunately know a few people who still ward off emotional attachment yet bitch about never finding the right person or how the right person DID come along, but didn't stay...boggles the mind. So I've made a promise to myself to not settle and wait...I know for sure temptation will set it and excuses that will feel perfectly just and understandable(I'm so busy at work, my parents are annoying the hell out of me, I am the new ambassador of Lithuania) will only be excuses to not hurt my feelings...and to not see me.  

I can hear my mother cackling to Gene Rayburn of Match Game, and bellowing for me to join her...maybe I should start scrapbooking...

How low can you go?

So I just got home and it's 1:30 in the morning. Saw Martha and I told her about my current financial destitution and my desperate need to find a job, any job.  I'm not particularly satisfied about the outcome of this evening but I really have no choice at the moment. 

I will be a barmaid soon.

Now before ya'll start telling me that nothing is wrong with working at a bar and a lot of people do it for the cash and blah blah blah, I want to just let it be known that I have had visions of grandeur of me being a bartender and making crazy tips. But only on my spare time. 

In this case, because I have been searching for a full time job since July of last year, desperate times call for desperate measure.  I used to work for a major Canadian publication, but only as a part time office assistant...pretty much someone who did the grunt work for everyone else. But I was happy with it because I knew it would be a good experience and it was a foot in the door for something better. Then the recession hit, and I was let go.  Bills started pilling up and I found myself working for a scam telemarketing company offering medical plans to hicks in the states. 

I wanted to gauge out my eye balls, shove pencils in my ears, and spew the blood all over my 23 year old "boss" then throw myself outside the un-openable windows. It wasn't fun. 

So I quit after 6 days.  

Since then I have created files with three major job placement agencies, applied to on average 5 job postings a day and have been left empty handed. 

Unfortunately my french is pretty crap so that is the major thing that is holding me back. It is of course my fault...I mean hell i've been back in this country for ten years now I should be pretty fluent. But alas I am not, so something has to give.

Anyway, chatting it up with Martha over a drink we decide that I should start asking around at the local bars downtown as well as one closer to my house. They all want me to come in tomorrow and speak to their managers. I would prefer to work downtown because at least I have a lower risk of bumping into someone I went to high school with at the bar closer to my house, that would be horrendous.  I've escaped these people for a reason and to see them there would not be pleasant. 

Ok this post looks pretty grim and pathetic but I don't want you guys to think I'm whining but you guys have to agree this is pretty discouraging.  I just hope 2009 will bring better news and better opportunities beyond "what can I get you boys tonight?" 

My aunt who likes to think of herself as a "mystic" told my mother that this year I will meet someone who will jumpstart my writing career and become very successful.  Right now I'm putting my hopes on those Bingo scratchies that I so love to buy...

Wish me luck kids.

By the way...do you think I'll look good in a skirt? Because damn I'm going to have to get used to it!

It starts...

Considering I want a career in writing I found it apt to start a blog. I kinda had one back in high school which showcased my dorky goth interests but that only lasted two posts.  I'm wary of blogs, I tend to get lazy...no wait, scratch that...I'm ALWAYS lazy. But I think this will be a fun way to just chew the rag and open the window to my little world of dementia. 

Some say they live vicariously through my life, you be the judge of that.

Enjoy!